Super Super Happy Happy Girl

[I have to transcribe this somewhere!]

VO's
woman one

I got married. we had six kids. then I heard it. The voice of a perv or a freak.

woman two

i stopped drinking. It ruins my buzz.

woman three

I left home when I changed.
You were underage. You ran away.
It didn't feel like running away.
You didn't think to call your parents. You didn't recognize yourself in the missing child posters.
i forgot what I looked like
sounds like you forgot a lot more than that.

woman four

I believe that I am a nicer person.
...and that includes the new lovers.
I like your tie.
Your husband is very upset.
Listen, I am really hot. I get that. And it didn't make me happy. I am also authentically a nice person. I feel that I a kind but there was a shadow. It was everyone else with their own miserable agendas. They would only be nice to me to bed me or to make their girlfriends' jealous. I stopped being nice. i was miserable. People were too nice to me and I would get upset. I didn't like to be liked anymore. Ii was not real. None of it was.
And this is real?
I'm not sure. You are muddling my thoughts, but at least it seems real. I was nice to the girl at the bagel store this morning. That felt real. I was nice to the person at the coat check last night, but I don't have to be nice to the creep who's looking at me like a "thing" to be "had." I don't have to be nice to the idiots and losers who think; if they get my attention, they will make their girlfriends' jealous. I can see now. I see. I tell them.
Is that why you got in a bar fight in the Hamptons' bar?
That guy hit me first. He spoke to me first. I only whispered to him, "There are better ways to feel secure with your woman than making her jealous by flirting me. Which, by the way it never does. Flirting with the hot chick only makes a girlfriend mad. Without exception. It is not nice." I told him so. And he hit me. I defended myself by throwing him in the pool. How was I to know he couldn't swim.
You didn't run in to save him?
I was wearing a nice dress and I hit it off with Sarah.
His girlfriend.
Not anymore!
You stole his girlfriend in the end.
My first girl lover. She has a lovely spirit and I know that day that all those years I wasn't nice. I was just polite. Is it nice to smile at the flirtatious jerk or just polite? Now I know what nice means. And, honestly, prosecutor, most people are mean. When I heard about Super Super Happy Happy Girl and her removing fear, I knew that despite what some think are obvious fast tracks to happiness; looks and intelligence; that they were actually obstacles. I like being pretty. I like being smart. I was asked if I wanted to be happy and my answer was "Hell's Yes!" i admit it was a bit spontaneous.

woman five
I am such a good person. (Slap her wrist.) Sorry. Even mosquitoes like me. (weak smile)

That was a fly.

Right. It was biting me.

You killed it.

It was just a fly. I am such a good person. I couldn't hurt a fly (even though I just did.)

(repeats incrimination) "It was just a fly. I am such a good person. I couldn't hurt a fly." But you just did.

Stop harping on and on about the fly. It was an accident. It's not me. If you think I did anything, I didn't. It wasn't me. It can't be. I love Jospeh. Loved. We met when he was swimming in a lake. Naked. We were laughing. We were always laughing.

I thought it was a river.

We said it was a river because we both like the bible and thought it romantic. jospeh at the riverside. It was realy a lake.

Your memory seems to be returning.

It never left.

And yet you say you did nothing to harm Joseph Hellinger.

And he loved me. You see, I knew that. I was not jealous. i had no reason to be... You lack motive.

Is this the old. I'm happy. i'm concerned about you game?

Huh?

Nevermind. Go on. You say, under oath of the endless (infinite!) number of gods that you cited (and by the way, Thor is cool with me,) that you did nothing to harm your husband.

That. is. Correct. Mutual love, respect, attention to each other. He was perfect. They told me someone killed him and I didn't understand. I thought he was in an accident.

Are you saying you made the accident happen?

Huh? I'm saying, it's inconceivable (a-babble) or whatever that word is to think that anyone would want to harm Joe. Everyone loved Joe. Then the sheriff comes and says that I did it. prints in the blood. And then I saw it Him. The mess. The can't put into words. he was mutilated. Using my knives. So people point the finger. As if i wasn't in enough shock. There's no proof. no motive. no money. no tax break for suicide. expensive funeral. no sympathy. ...and no regrets. (big Smile!)

What?

Joseph is an angel but a girl has got to move to barbados while her thighs still look alright. i considered all the options. i even wondered what Super Super Happy Happy Girl wold do and I know she would say "Do The Opposite, the George Costanza Theory of Life." So, I did the opposite.

You killed Joseph Herllinger.

Thanks for the immunity lovah! Yes! i did the opposite. i couldn't break Joe's heart. So I broke his body.

That's not exactly the opposite.

It's something.

Where did you hear Super Super Happy Happy Girl espouse the Costanza Theory of Life?

I read about it. On the internet. (pause, squints at prosecutor.) I went to a reading? or something. I forgot. Does it matter? It works. Super Super Happy Happy Girl cleared my mind. I cleared my life. I am free. No reason to mourn my old life. I should be afraid of starting a new life but I'm not. I knew as soon as people heard it was me who killed Joe, I'd have no life left at home. At all. So tomorrow i go to Barbados and I will get new friends, a new home. maybe a cat? Definitely new lovers, me and Joe were so monogamous. Oh. I loved Joe.

You really really loved Joseph Hellinger?

He was my high school boyfriend. he was sober. he was a great dad. he meant the world to me and everyone in his orbit. It was a nice orbit. We all loved each other. There's no more Joe. He's in a happier place.

Alright. i think we've heard enough.

Nay. niet. No. i will say my piece. You wanted me here to say that even though I met super super Hppy happy Girl that I lost my husband to a tragic accident and that I became sick because I could not mourn. i was "quote" too "unquote" happy. That's highly untrue. I cried. I did. i know it will be forever until I see my Joseph again. I never will. Probably. That's sad. It truly is. But I am going to Barbados. I was able to see the bright side of his dying.

I think, dear lady, you deceived yourself.

I'm not going to Barbados?

You will be going away, but not to the beach.

You said I had immunity.

From manslaughter. You just confessed to pre-meditated murder.

I did?

You may be considered mentally incapacitated.

I am?

Yes. You did. (Yes.) You are.

I wonder what jail will be like.

[Gavel. Court noise.]